How sound sensitivity impacts my life as a mom, therapist and athlete: Part 1
WE LOVE DIRT!
Me and my daughter riding bikes together before I became deaf in my right ear from brain tumor surgery.
This photo was taken in 2018 before I became deaf in my right ear. How was I to know that just a year later I would be having a surgery to remove a benign brain tumor called an Acoustic Neuroma! My life has changed so much since that day.
The type of tumor I had grows around and into the hearing and balance nerve inside the skull, mine was the size of a lime (3cm) and the neurosurgeon had to cut the balance and hearing nerves in order to remove all of the tumor. I made a YouTube video you can watch that tells the story in more detail.
After I lost my hearing, I noticed that I had a lot of problems with balance and exhaustion. This is a real issue for people that have sudden loss of hearing. The term is called “brain fatigue”. This happens when your brain is healing from an injury, in my case the Acoustic Neuroma removal. Consequently, my brain was working extra hard to determine where sounds were coming from so I could orient myself in space, this is called proprioception. Since I no longer had that balance nerve to help me stay upright, my left side was doing twice the work. I was frequently tired and crabby from too many sounds in my environment. As a way to cope with this overwhelm I turned to common tools used for neurodivergent people (AHDH and Autism) to help with Hyperacusis and Misophonia. The various types of hearing protection can dampen sounds or completely cancel them out depending on your needs. I noticed that my anxiety levels were a big predictor of which headphones I used on a given day.
Ear Protection for sound sensitivity!
I tried several kinds of hearing protection and if you would like to watch my video about each type scroll on down. These have been immensely helpful for me in my work as a Therapist so I can hear my clients during our virtual calls. Next blog I will share how these help me with overwhelm with a loud child in the home :)
Empowering GenX Moms and Dads
Hi Everyone,
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about turning 50 this year and all the feels that go with that. It brought up some fun reflections on what being part of Gen X means to me and how it has shaped me personally and professionally.
I thought about how growing up in the 1980’s has influenced me in many profound ways and thought it was interesting that I haven’t specifically sought out to help my own generation. I was listening to a podcast interview where the therapist shared that she is part of the “sandwich” generation. That term was new to me! We are part of the generation that is both caring for older parents and our own children. All underneath the umbrella of neglecting our own emotional, physical and spiritual health.
Ever feel like that character in the Atari game, “Pitfall”? As if sometimes there are no great options…
Being a Gen X parent comes with its own set of challenges, from juggling family responsibilities to managing careers and personal ambitions. However, one common struggle that many in our generation face is putting their own needs last and falling into the trap of people-pleasing. In this blog post, we'll explore how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can empower Gen X moms and dads to prioritize self-care and break free from people-pleasing tendencies.
Understanding the Challenge:
Gen X parents often find themselves constantly striving to meet the needs and expectations of others, whether it's their children, partners, extended family, or colleagues. This relentless need to please others can lead to burnout, stress, and a sense of losing oneself in the process. It’s no wonder we are tired, crabby and doom-scrolling on our phones! We can all learn better ways to cope with these stressors.
Coping Strategies:
CBT: Identify and Challenge Negative Thought Patterns CBT teaches us to recognize and challenge negative thought patterns that fuel people-pleasing behaviors. We can start by identifying the core beliefs that drive their need to please others, such as "I must always be there for everyone," or "If I say no, I'm being selfish." Once these beliefs are identified, CBT techniques can be used to challenge and reframe them into healthier, more balanced perspectives. If you’d like to learn more in depth CBT skills, reach out for a chat with me.
Mindfulness: Cultivate Present-Moment Awareness Mindfulness practices can help Gen X parents cultivate present-moment awareness and become more attuned to their own needs and emotions. Encourage yourself to engage in daily mindfulness activities such as mindful breathing, body scans, or mindful walking. By staying present and mindful, they can make conscious choices that prioritize self-care. Check out my guided breathing exercises here:
DBT: Develop Assertiveness Skills Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) emphasizes the importance of developing assertiveness skills to establish healthy boundaries and communicate effectively. Moms and Dads can benefit from DBT by learning how to say no without guilt, expressing their needs and preferences clearly, and setting realistic expectations for themselves and others. I love working with GenX-ers around boundaries!
Self-Compassion: Practice Kindness Toward Oneself Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding. Remind yourself daily that it's okay to prioritize your well-being, set limits, and take breaks when needed. Self-compassion can help counteract feelings of guilt or self-criticism associated with prioritizing self-care. In generations before ours, they were encouraged to squash needs and grit through difficulties, so this may feel foreign if you grew up like I did.
Seek Support and Connection Remember to seek support from peers, friends, or a therapist who understands that being GenX brings unique challenges. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can provide validation, empathy, and practical strategies for coping with people-pleasing tendencies.
As Gen X parents we are navigating the complexities of modern-day parenting, caring for aging parents and advancing in our careers, it's crucial for us to prioritize self-care and break the cycle of people-pleasing patterns. By incorporating techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we can empower ourselves to set boundaries, practice self-compassion, and cultivate a healthier balance between caring for others and caring for ourselves.
Remember, self-care is not selfish—it's a necessary foundation for overall well-being and resilience.
Summer Vibes
Galveston Texas Beach
This year we took a short vacation to the Texas coast for some much needed time off from the day-to-day responsibilities. Now if you are a parent you know first hand that a vacation with children is not really all that relaxing. Well, throw in some neurodivergence in the mix and it can be downright exhausting. Ask me how I know! The sand. The sun. Wow. We had a mix of fun and frowns this trip. The most helpful tip for beaching with kids- access to a close shower :) Bye bye sand. Bye bye meltdown.
How do neuro-divergent caregivers and parents get the recharge time that our nervous systems so desperately need to function at our best? How do we create more calm in our lives? Basically the goal is to stop yelling at our kids and then feeling like shit afterwards.
Let’s break it down into a few easy steps that I have found helpful as a parent and that I often share with my clients.
3 super practical ways neurodivergent parents can create more calm
Yoga.
Ha ha, just kidding but actually it does work. I don’t usually do a great job honestly at doing yoga on a consistent basis but when I do make the time I am more present with my kids and able to pause before I speak.
Everyone recommends that we do some mindfulness excercise to center and ground ourselves but you may be thinking “seriously do these people even have kids? Who has the time to do that?!” I get it.
It’s a positive feedback loop though- when we make the time to do the mindfulness practices we might find this allows us to have more capacity in other areas of our life such as house tasks, work duties, and positive intimate relationships. Many studies have shown that Yoga or a similar mindfulness based body movement can reduce stress. See this site for some interesting stats https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/providers/digest/yoga-for-health-science
Get outside.
We live in Texas and it’s so hot here that at 7:30 am this morning we were already sweating and that was standing in the shade. I kid you not. But, rant aside- there are so many positive benefits to spending time in nature. The calming and energizing effects on our nervous system are well studied and can reduce stress while also increasing energy.. So, we face the heat and get out at least 20 minutes every day. For more evidence check out what the American Psychological Association suggests for most children and adults. They also have great research listed on their website if you are nerdy like me. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature
P.s. Pack an extra cooling towel or purchase a neck fan for your child so they are not as overstimulated by the sticky sweat on their skin. We pack frozen juice boxes for an ice pack and a cool treat.
Be your neurodivergent self: Set Boundaries
Use your inner thermometer to check your capacity and set realistic expectations on what you are actually able to do. Work with a therapist to learn more about what your personal boundaries are and ways they can create emotional stability in your life.
As a late-identified ADHDer, I have spent the past few years unmasking and practicing personal boundary setting. I am a calmer parent, more present Therapist, caring friend and supportive daughter. Thanks boundaries!
There have been times I’ve wanted to take my daughter to the skating rink but have not been able to due to being out of spoons / low capacity. I feel proud of myself that I’ve been able to acknowledge when I am able to say yes and the times I need to say no.
If you haven’t read the book, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price I recommend it highly and with a caveat- The process of discovering your authentic self can be exhilarating, empowering and create a huge positive shift in your life. On the flip side, it can bring up some natural grief reactions and/or traumatic memories as you process through your thoughts and feelings. Reach out to a trusted coach, therapist, family member or friend for support. For more information on my services please visit www.pastandpresenttherapy.com/services