Summer Vibes
This year we took a short vacation to the Texas coast for some much needed time off from the day-to-day responsibilities. Now if you are a parent you know first hand that a vacation with children is not really all that relaxing. Well, throw in some neurodivergence in the mix and it can be downright exhausting. Ask me how I know! The sand. The sun. Wow. We had a mix of fun and frowns this trip. The most helpful tip for beaching with kids- access to a close shower :) Bye bye sand. Bye bye meltdown.
How do neuro-divergent caregivers and parents get the recharge time that our nervous systems so desperately need to function at our best? How do we create more calm in our lives? Basically the goal is to stop yelling at our kids and then feeling like shit afterwards.
Let’s break it down into a few easy steps that I have found helpful as a parent and that I often share with my clients.
3 super practical ways neurodivergent parents can create more calm
Yoga.
Ha ha, just kidding but actually it does work. I don’t usually do a great job honestly at doing yoga on a consistent basis but when I do make the time I am more present with my kids and able to pause before I speak.
Everyone recommends that we do some mindfulness excercise to center and ground ourselves but you may be thinking “seriously do these people even have kids? Who has the time to do that?!” I get it.
It’s a positive feedback loop though- when we make the time to do the mindfulness practices we might find this allows us to have more capacity in other areas of our life such as house tasks, work duties, and positive intimate relationships. Many studies have shown that Yoga or a similar mindfulness based body movement can reduce stress. See this site for some interesting stats https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/providers/digest/yoga-for-health-science
Get outside.
We live in Texas and it’s so hot here that at 7:30 am this morning we were already sweating and that was standing in the shade. I kid you not. But, rant aside- there are so many positive benefits to spending time in nature. The calming and energizing effects on our nervous system are well studied and can reduce stress while also increasing energy.. So, we face the heat and get out at least 20 minutes every day. For more evidence check out what the American Psychological Association suggests for most children and adults. They also have great research listed on their website if you are nerdy like me. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature
P.s. Pack an extra cooling towel or purchase a neck fan for your child so they are not as overstimulated by the sticky sweat on their skin. We pack frozen juice boxes for an ice pack and a cool treat.
Be your neurodivergent self: Set Boundaries
Use your inner thermometer to check your capacity and set realistic expectations on what you are actually able to do. Work with a therapist to learn more about what your personal boundaries are and ways they can create emotional stability in your life.
As a late-identified ADHDer, I have spent the past few years unmasking and practicing personal boundary setting. I am a calmer parent, more present Therapist, caring friend and supportive daughter. Thanks boundaries!
There have been times I’ve wanted to take my daughter to the skating rink but have not been able to due to being out of spoons / low capacity. I feel proud of myself that I’ve been able to acknowledge when I am able to say yes and the times I need to say no.
If you haven’t read the book, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price I recommend it highly and with a caveat- The process of discovering your authentic self can be exhilarating, empowering and create a huge positive shift in your life. On the flip side, it can bring up some natural grief reactions and/or traumatic memories as you process through your thoughts and feelings. Reach out to a trusted coach, therapist, family member or friend for support. For more information on my services please visit www.pastandpresenttherapy.com/services
